life as i know it

"...everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." -Sylvia Plath

Sunday, February 19, 2006

walking away

"There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you; let them walk. I don't want you to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you ... When people can walk away from you, let them walk." - T.D. Jakes

Some people find it so easy to walk away, to shut the door on some disappointed experience of their life. No doubt there are times that people should walk away. But far too many people in this world find walking away to be the easiest road, guarding themselves with this knowledge that there is always that back road, that well-worn path, to carry them far away when times get rough. I admit that I have often been that person, walking or running away, when life felt unbearable. But I'm proud to say that I'm no longer looking for an escape, for the easy path, for the difficulties in life to be brushed away beneath the plastic masks we all may wear. My dilemma now comes from the other side of the battle: if I am not the one walking, should I let the other walk? I've never been good at this. Unresolved conflict is not weaved into the natural fabric of my life tapestry. My instincts have always urged me forward, grasping at others' heels and searching, often desperately, for love and acceptance. I've spent a large portion of my life apologizing for things that merited no apology, begging forgiveness when I didn't honestly feel that I had done anything worthy of needing forgiveness. But apologizing and seeking forgiveness, wearing this mask, kept me safe from the unfinished business, protected from the unsettling awareness of open conflict. I used to believe that this was just part of my nature. I believed this through many years of others telling me that I should stand up more, that I should stop forgiving and forgetting so easily. The past few months have opened my eyes; I refuse to continue fighting battles that have no basis. I refuse to continue to apologize for being myself, for being honest. I refuse to continue allowing myself to be a doormat for others' anger. I do not want to fight back. I do not want to apologize simply to appease someone else. What I do want is to live my life with integrity, with strength, and with the knowledge that love and acceptance are not gifts meant to be bargained. True love and acceptance do not shut the door and walk away. The door may become weathered and in need of repairs. There may be moments when it is necessary to stand apart in order to later stand together. But if someone chooses to completely shut that door, to turn and walk away...I've chosen to let them walk.

13 Comments:

At 10:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Standing in your integrity takes a lot of courage. You should be very proud of your decision to follow what has heart and meaning for you. That doesn't mean you escape the pain or tears won't be shed but it does mean you are walking the straight rode. Sending much healing energy & love your way. Stand tall, sweet girl!

 
At 8:42 AM, Blogger meghan said...

Wow, there is so much strength in your post. I know that you are in a scary place, but know that you DO deserve the best and you ARE worth it. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is let go, but from experience I can say that better things come when you do loosen your grip. I send you love and support and a big hug.

P.S. I promise a big fat email tomorrow!!

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger Dana said...

You continue growing and others stay stagnant. Don't let them hold you back. Let them walk.

xoxo

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger Tammy Brierly said...

We are really in the same place, but probably for different reasons. I have let my daughter and grandson leave my life. It was very hard, but the stress was hurting the ALS. I am also "standing in my integrity" and the pain is bearable because of it. My heart is with you in this journey.

kauaimama@bigvalley.net Anytime :)

Love,
Tammy

 
At 4:25 PM, Blogger TJ said...

Oh Tera so much courage. Yes, let he or she stay freely and with understanding what keeps them there or step to the side and wish them well. Hard to do but in the long run the ball was never in your court to play with anyways. Stand tall girl! Life is full of surprises!!!
TJ

 
At 4:31 PM, Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Thank you for sharing such deep emotion in your post.

I am dealing with the same question ~ I think I may have to let them go. It hurts like hell but I really can't stand the drama any more-The rollercoaster relationship is too hard on me.

 
At 11:23 PM, Blogger liz elayne lamoreux said...

How amazing that you have written about the very thing that a close friend and i were discussing until the wee hours of the morning last night. thank you for describing this with such strength and conviction. letting go, without attachment, that seems to be the path...not an easy one...
i hope that you are being gentle with yourself in the midst of it all. remember you deserve to give yourself the compassion that you need.

 
At 4:56 AM, Blogger Somnambulist Seeker said...

It is an important step to realize that you are not responsible for other people's decisions.

In another context, I am learning much the same lesson.

Thanks for the reminder.

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Beautiful & very wise.
V

 
At 8:32 PM, Blogger ami said...

Wow, this post struck a chord with me. It reminded me of a former good friend of mine. It was hard for me to let her go, but if she wanted me to apologize and beg for forgiveness (when I didn't understand what I did wrong), I wouldn't be staying true to myself. If she didn't like me for who I am, then I am better off without her. That was hard for me because I never liked that feeling of unresolved conflict that you mentioned, but sometimes it's better off that way.

I love the circus story - I'll have to use that one! It's great!

Lots of love -
Amy

 
At 8:14 AM, Blogger DEREK said...

great entry! I've been that person too, still fight it to this day.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger Frankie said...

Oh Tara. It's as if I could have written this word for word. I've spent my whole life apologizing for who I am, and am just now learning (mostly through the help of a new wise friend) that I shouldn't need to be that way. This post brought up so many emotions and thoughts within me that I feel as if any explanation here would be inadequete. I'll most likely spur off of your wisdom in a post later this week. Thank you so much for your honesty and strength here. You deserve all of the happiness and self love (ALL love) in the world. Sending love and big hugs!!! xoxo

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger MissManda said...

This touched home. I've learned the art of having to let people walk away the hard way. And it's the only way to be. If somebody wants to be there, then they'll be there. Thanks for the post. I enjoy reading your blog.

 

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