where the heart is...

“If you want to know where someone’s heart is, look at where they spend their money.” – A.S.

I’ve never been a materialistic person and I cannot imagine myself ever becoming one. Of course I like nice things but I much prefer comfy to posh, down-to-earth to yuppy, and basic to extravagant. My dream car is an old Ford Bronco with a removable top. My dream house is a rustic cabin in the mountains or a quaint cottage near the shore. My dream life consists of me and the man I love making a home together with lots of animals and maybe a few kids, spending my days seeing a few patients, doing lots of writing and artwork, and spending ample time with family and close friends. In summary, love always trumps money in my dream life (and in my real life).

To me, the above stated quote is not about a successful businessman buying his wife a Mercedes for her birthday. It is not about money at all in my mind. Rather, it is about where our hearts truly are and how we choose to prioritize our lives based on what is prominent in our hearts. It is not about the size of our bank accounts, but rather the size of our hearts.

I was blessed to be raised in a family that measured worth by what lay inside of us. I was taught the importance of love and helping others and the difference a simple smile can make when the day is hard and the burden heavy. I was encouraged (and still am) to pursue my dreams, not because they will make me successful in a monetary sense but because they will leave me with a sense of meaning and purpose at the end of the day. My daddy always says “we don’t take money with us when we die”. He is right, of course, but in his statement is much more than just that simple fact. What we carry with us, today, tomorrow, every day of our lives…we carry the precious cargo in our hearts.

I have never known a life of financial abundance. I do not know the feel of shopping without first looking at the price tag. I cannot tell you what it feels like to not have debts. And I do not foresee a future where financial hardships do not periodically arise. But I can tell you what I do know, what I can feel, and what I see a few steps forward on my journey through life.

I have always known a life of spiritual abundance. I have always known the feeling of being loved and the security of unending support and encouragement. I know the strength of family ties and the unconditional stability of “home”. I know that no matter how much debt I owe or how small the number in my bank account, I will never be without a home and more importantly, I will never be without love.

Some days are harder than others. Bills must be paid and there are times when the money is simply not there. But those are the very times that I am reminded that the depths of the heart will always be deeper than even the most overflowing of wallets. Those are the times when I am reminded that the blessings in my life are worth so much more than any amount of money could ever be.

“If you want to know where someone’s heart is, look at where they spend their money”. (A.S.) There are moments in my life that stand out with clarity, moments that embody this statement for me, moments that continue to inspire me and bring tears to my eyes with the memories.

Moments in my childhood when my dear grandmother would sneak me a five-dollar bill from her wallet. She would carefully tuck it into my palm and whisper that she wished she had more to give. Our secret, because my grandfather controlled all the money and she knew if he found out, she would suffer the pains of his rage. And yet despite that knowledge, her heart was bigger than his rage.

Other moments…every Christmas morning when my sister and I would awaken to find a living room filled with gifts from Santa, even in the years when I know “Santa” had no money. Watching my mama buy gifts for children in need and write checks to charities, her small monthly paycheck no comparison for the kindness of her heart.

And moments in recent years…my daddy working three jobs, all for non-profit organizations, his heart always with those less fortunate than ourselves. My daddy doing extra tax returns just so he’d have a little more money to give to my mama and my sister and me…the greatest provider and most loving man I have ever known.

And my sister, only a few months back…I remember her opening our refrigerator to find only condiments and a jug of water. I remember our refrigerator filled with food two hours later, no second thought ever crossing her mind.

I remember a moment on the bathroom floor, sobbing on David’s shoulder about the lack of money. Doctor bills, increasing student loans, and the funds that were just not there. His offer to get a second job…he never knew how much that simple offer meant. And now, when each week seems to bring a new financial burden, a new stress, and still not enough money…he makes sure I eat healthy meals and go to all my doctor’s appointments. And just like my daddy, when he can’t offer money, he offers that which is so much more important…love.

Perhaps it sounds crazy to some, but I am thankful that I have never known a life of financial abundance. Maybe I would still have somehow learned the lessons I now carry with me, but then again, maybe not. And there is nothing that can replace the values and treasures that lie within my heart. I may never have much money, but I’ve got one of the biggest hearts that God ever created. And for that, and those special souls who continue to deepen my heart each day, I am forever blessed.