in the spirit of fathers

I didn’t get to spend Father’s day with my daddy. With him being six hours away, it wasn’t possible to get away from work and the city for the weekend. Nevertheless, I spent the day with him in spirit (even if he didn’t know it). Talking on the phone to my dad and my precious Papa C, I wished I could morph myself those six hours southeast to the shores of southern Georgia. I longed to stand on the end of the pier, lowering crabbing baskets into the murky water, marveling at the sharks being caught by other fishermen. I longed to sit by my aunt’s pool, watching my granddaddy play in the water with his floating “noodle”, my daddy sitting beneath the weeping willow with his feet dangling over the edge. As I drove down the road, talking first to my granddaddy and then my daddy, I longed for home and the presence of these two dear men in my life.

Despite my longings, I enjoyed the holiday in the true spirit of its name. The boyfriend and I spent the day on the horse farm with his parents and once again, I was reminded of the comfort and joy I feel in their company. The small gestures of affection, the words of love, and the endless laughter brought a different, but no less, sense of pleasure from times spent with my own family. Watching the boyfriend and his dad reciting lines from “Caddyshack”, laughing in unison over jokes his mom and I could not share. In those brief moments, I saw the bond between a father and his grown son, and I realized the true blessings of having such a close relationship with one’s father.

I have always been a “daddy’s girl” (in case anyone needed clarification on that point). When I think back to the days of my childhood, I remember my daddy and I fishing amidst the overgrown weeds on the shores of various ponds and lakes. I still love digging through dark, damp, dirt to pull out the live, slithering worms. When my mind takes me back in time, I remember my daddy teaching me to drive when I was too short to even reach the pedals, sitting on his lap and steering the car down deserted roads. I remember the silly songs he would sing to awaken me in the mornings and snuggling next to him in church. I remember him smushing homemade hamburgers as flat as possible so they would resemble the ones I liked from McDonald’s. And as I got older, I remember the tears of pride he shed when I graduated from high school and then college and then with my masters degree. And still to this day, he is my most beloved confidante, my “daddy” and also one of my best friends.

With 26 years of these treasured memories, I know I am blessed to have such a close bond with my dad. His words and gestures of love and support and encouragement no longer amaze me, as I know this is just the man that he is. But in those brief moments yesterday of watching the boyfriend and his dad share the secret laughter of unknown jokes, I realized how truly incredible it is to witness the bond between a father and his child. In all its myriad forms, there is not much else in this world quite so beautiful.

Pulling out of the driveway yesterday, the boyfriend and I stopped to visit for a moment with our neighbors. A young couple with four small children, the whole family decorating their driveway in colored chalk drawings. The parents, both in their hippy spirits, and their beautiful children, all smiles and waves and big hellos. And as we departed, we saw the father with his children all around him, a huge smile on his face as he lifted the peace sign to us.

With so many of our own friends having babies, the boyfriend and I cannot help but imagine having little ones of our own someday. I can picture it all so clearly, this man I love transitioning into fatherhood. And I know that with the lessons and love of both of our fathers, he will grow to be an amazing “daddy” himself one day. Perhaps one day, many years from now, I will have a daughter writing words similar to my own. Words about a love that runs to the deepest recesses of her heart, about her admiration for her daddy and both of her granddaddies.

Whatever the future may hold, I know that there is one thing in my life that is constant and unconditional, and that is the love of my daddy. Every day I send up prayers for him, forever thankful that I have been blessed to have such an amazing bond with him. When the days are not so sunny and the clouds begin to darken the sky, his words bring light and his love brings hope for a new tomorrow. And as I turn and look at the man beside me, the one with whom I am sharing my life, I know that I have been blessed yet again. And I know that the love of my Papa C and the love of my daddy will be a legacy that lives on in future generations and into eternity.