steps...

One step forward, two steps back.

Although I began my weekend in the right frame of mind, intent on nurturing myself and relaxing as much as possible, Sunday ended in a state of extreme exhaustion (both physical and mental) and a sense that I had once again not placed my own well-being as a priority. The good news: I explored my feelings about this and devised a preventative plan to circumvent this particular type of problem in the future.

One step forward. I must brag for a moment and say that I attended my first (ever) yoga class on Friday morning. I am aware that many people practice yoga on a regular basis and that this notion of my self-pride in this arena might appear silly to some. But this was a big deal for me. As I am not a fan of going to the gym or being in a big room of sweaty strangers, it took a bit of courage for me to open those doors and enter that unfamiliar realm of tribal-sounding music and strange body positions. Despite my fear that I would look like an idiot (not knowing what I was doing and supposing that everyone else was well practiced in the art of yoga), I took a deep breath and opened that door anyway. What I found in that room was a sense of liberation and the feeling that this was one activity in the gym that seemed to truly fit with who I am as a person. As each minute passed, I could feel the music resonating deeper within me. My eyes naturally closed with an inner focus, my hands in prayer. Even my initial frustration that my breaths, inhale, exhale, were not matching those of the instructor, seemed to diminish as the minutes passed. Realizing that my breathing will become more aligned with my body as my comfort level increases, I let go of those concerns and set my focus to “the warrior”, feeling a swell of inner strength, the empowerment of a true “warrior”. It was a baby step, but it was a step forward nevertheless.

Two steps back. I will not recount the details of the remainder of the weekend but suffice it to say that Saturday and Sunday were spent in a state of increasing exhaustion. The positive side is that I managed to claim an afternoon nap on Saturday and got (more than) my share of therapeutic gardening on Sunday. The negative side is that I spent 90% of my weekend working and another 9% reading books for school. I think the remaining 1% was probably spent on the toilet…sad, but true.

Now it is the beginning of a new week. Busy days await and a long to-do list continues to grow. Amidst the chaos, my personal goals for this week include one art project, one yoga class, finishing May Sarton’s journal “Recovering”, and my own daily journaling.

My other goal: Two steps forward, one step back.