life as i know it

"...everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." -Sylvia Plath

Monday, May 15, 2006

Sunday Scribblings - The books I would write...

The books I would write would be of travels in foreign lands, of lessons learned, of beauty seen, or awareness heightened. The books I would write would tell of adventures of the body and spirit, of the mind and heart, adventures of a fully lived life. These books would tell of my own journeys across native soils, the people, the culture, the diversity and challenges of life. Filled with my own moments of pain and fear, these books would tell the stories of overcoming danger and adversity, rising above the terrors and facing the world head-on with courage and grace. The books I would write would tell these stories through honesty and hope, imparting wisdom and bravery to those reading the raw words of my own experiences.

These books I would write in the hopes of making a difference in the world. By using my own life, the only experiences I can truly, wholly know, and molding these experiences into words, more than words, emotions and awareness and realizations that could touch the deeply scarred souls of this world. I would write these books because I want to live this life, because I want to have these experiences and to know that I am capable of surmounting the strongest fears and deepest pains. I would write these books because if I could live this life, then somehow I believe the answers would find me. And in turn, these answers, this wisdom and knowledge, could be passed on to others.

Or maybe the books I would write would be a collection of my actual experiences, moving memoirs of the life I have actually lived. Maybe I would write a book detailing the internal torment of a seven-year-old girl diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Maybe I would describe the constant fears, the disturbing beliefs that every detail of life must be lived out in a certain way in order to avoid catastrophic repercussions. Maybe I would write of the endless hours spent arranging and rearranging books and stuffed animals and shoes, or the feeling that no matter how much I washed my hands they would never be truly clean. Maybe I would write of being the preadolescent girl who ate her sandwiches at lunch by holding only the plastic wrapping, and the laughing sneers from her peers at this strange behavior, and the emptiness and confusion she felt. Maybe I would write this story.

Or maybe I would write a book about an adolescent girl sitting on a bathroom floor, a razor blade in her young hands, contemplating the meaning of life. Trying to understand why her male friend had tried to force himself upon her, to understand why she deserved such violation. Maybe I would write of a morning when the drive to school became a drive across the country, an attempt to flee from herself and the pain that no one could understand. Maybe I would write of drugs and sex and every avenue of self-destruction and the reasons these paths were taken. Maybe I would write this story.

Maybe I would write these books because these are the stories I know. Because these are the stories I’ve lived. Because these are the stories that may actually make a difference to someone, somewhere, in the midst of tormenting fears or the confusion of a lost identity. Maybe I would write these books in the hopes that lost souls would know they are not alone, that their path is one that has been traveled by many, that their story is not so different from mine.

So maybe, just maybe, I would write books of my life, both real and imagined. Books that tell my story, and the story of so many others. Books that remind us all that life’s journey need not be walked alone, that the burdens will not always weigh upon us too heavily, and that beauty can be found even in the midst of darkness.

13 Comments:

At 1:05 PM, Blogger paris parfait said...

Such amazing stories/books those would be! Lovely, raw and powerful post!

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger Susannah said...

Beautiful girl, these books should be written because these books would change the world - and someone's life. such passion in your words today - i think your fingers, and your soul, are telling you to start writing.... sending love to you
Sx

 
At 1:28 PM, Blogger baylor said...

What a joy to already know your writing and life. All of you is brilliant!

xoxo

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger ~Kathryn~ said...

wow - so moving
books that change the world - we need more like this !!!

 
At 3:11 PM, Blogger melba said...

Sometimes don't you just want to say Why? Still? Shouldn't we know better by now?
I want to reach across and tell that little girl that she is not alone, that she is valuable, that she is worthy. I want the next generation to not have to write the stories WE would write...

Hoping you are taking care of yourself Tara Dawn.

 
At 4:07 PM, Anonymous Shannon (Sentimental) said...

As a fellow OCD'er I know the craziness that is in our heads and I too would love it all to spill out in words. Words to change others lives.

 
At 6:39 PM, Blogger boliyou said...

So many stories to make up a life, any and all of which would have a powerful impact.

 
At 7:25 PM, Blogger Patry Francis said...

You clearly have many powerful stories to tell.

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

I think you are just the right person to write such a story. I love your hopeful nature... The world needs more of that.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Tammy said...

I would love to read these books and I know they would help others in so many ways. Great post! I can't wait.

Much Love

 
At 1:11 PM, Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Tara-
Please do write these books. You have such a gentle way of sharing such powerful feelings- I think sharing these raw feelings makes an impact on everyone who reads your blog- it would surely make a difference to those who read your books too.

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger megg said...

Write them! I know that your words will change someone's world. Write your books and then send them to me so that I can know you better and feel less alone. You are one of the bravest, openest writers I know. You are an inspiration, my friend.

write them!! xoxo

 
At 12:58 PM, Blogger renovating this heart said...

Crying, crying. No words to say, td.... thanks. I feel connected.

 

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