life as i know it

"...everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." -Sylvia Plath

Monday, November 06, 2006

about my weekend...inspired by "morning"

I was out of town this past weekend, visiting my best friend for another baby shower. I spent the weekend immersed among her family, finding an unexpected comfort and feeling of belonging.

Before I left the city on Friday, I read the topic for Sunday Scribblings and the prompt stayed with me throughout the weekend. Though I had no time to just sit down and write, I kept being reminded of the prompt and writing blogs in my head about “morning”. Especially the last night, in the wee early hours of morning, when the rest of the family had long since gone to sleep and it was just my best friend and I snuggled on the couch. So many words came to me in those moments, words about the transition from night to morning and the beauty of a world gone silent. Later that night/morning, I walked outside and again the words began to flow within my head. Words about the serenity of standing under an endless sky in the country. Words about twinkling stars that shine so bright it is actually possible to see the constellations. Words about so many memories I have from my own time in that rural town. And really, so few of those words had anything to do with “morning” but that prompt was what kept the words spilling over in my mind.

And so now here it is on Monday morning, a full week of school and work that lies before me. It is morning and yet I have no inspiration to write on the prompt of “morning”. And so I am just writing today, attempting to write the words that came so easily over the weekend. Releasing the words that have been longing for escape into the world, onto the paper, out of the confines of just me.

I was overcome with awe nearly the whole weekend. Driving down a country road, the sun beaming down, bleaching the tiny white puffs of cotton in the fields on either side of the road. Standing by a small pond just outside my best friend’s house, the reflections on the water reminding me of the passing of years and the beauty of our aging. The silence under a black night sky, a refreshing, soothing change from the constant noise of the city.

All weekend, I found myself being taken back in time only to be quickly returned to the present. A timeline of memories captured in photographs…the transition from reckless youth to marriage and real jobs and now babies. Pictures from the early days of our friendship, road trips every weekend, late nights at bars. Pictures from engagements and bridal showers. Pictures of her in a stunning white gown, me in a long black satin dress, our arms tight around one another. Five years later…and now pictures of our hands intertwined across her belly, a precious baby girl almost ready to enter the world.

The feelings seem impossible to describe. Overcome with emotions, the tears of joy and love welling in my eyes so frequently these days. It has always been difficult to describe our friendship to others. A connection so deep that it crosses all boundaries, traverses all bridges, seeps down past the heart and into the very core of the soul. Since the early days, we always knew we were soul mates. And now I feel the deepest connection to her unborn daughter, an extension of the connection that she and I will always share. And so as I sit next to her, my hands feeling the movement of this tiny baby girl, it is an unreal experience for me. Love brimming over as I remind them both that I am always here and will always love them.

It was so hard to leave yesterday, knowing that when I return, that baby girl will be coming into the world. As I pulled away from her house and drove towards the interstate, I could not stop the tears from falling. Tears of nostalgia, tears of anticipation, tears of joy. More than anything, tears of love. And even now, as I sit here on this Monday morning, with a full week of daily life awaiting me, the tears are here. Basking in years of memories and the love of a beautiful friendship, I will go out into the world today and do what needs to be done. But in every step I take, I will allow myself to be reminded of beauty, friendship, and love.

5 Comments:

At 8:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is absolutely gorgeous, tara. i hope you are letting your friend read these beautiful tributes to your friendship...and of course saving them for the little baby to have one day, too. your words are such a gift!

 
At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm, made me cry. When I think of morning, I think of new beginnings... a journey through the dark night, awakening to light and anticipation of another day. Your post encompasses this... new beginnings all throughout your long friendship... anticipation of all the days to come and how you will grow even closer to this precious friend of yours... the bringing forth of a new little person to this world, coming out of her own darkness into the light... and you will be there for all of this. This is morning to you, tara... these feelings of freedom and hope and anticipation... the night is over and new things await. Much love to you. Thanks for making my heart feel something today.

 
At 7:19 AM, Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Tara-

I love how early on you described the scene of the water and the emerging beauty of aging-your words perfect and beautiful.

Then you described your deep friendship-one so similar to the one I share with a friend I have known for so many years. We just exchanged words about how we are soul mates this past week. It is such a gift to have friends such as these.

This past weekend so many tears fell-of love of gratitude-of understanding and being understood-when I went to visit a bunch of new friends that blew me away with their openness and love.

I feel this kindredness in a way with you-and wanted to say I hope someday we get to meet.

I have been struggling with finding words to describe all of these feelings and your post helped me start thinking of some.

Thank you

Love and hugs

 
At 3:43 PM, Blogger Jessie said...

You will wear the title of "Auntie" very well. :) It is the same way with my friend's daughter, Lawren. I love that little girl as though she were my own flesh and blood! Your weekend sounds wonderful.

 
At 4:13 AM, Blogger GoGo said...

nice reminder. thanks for your wisdom.

 

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