emerging from the valleys

Life is finally starting to settle down a bit here. No longer living out of a suitcase, calling a crowded motel room or my sister’s guest room "home". We moved into our new house and entered the world of suburbia almost two weeks ago. Life feels different here, but different in a good way. I can sit in the back yard at night and actually see the stars and fireflies. The slight breeze rustles the branches of the trees lining the far end of the backyard, the only audible companion to silence. In the mornings, neighbors wave friendly greetings as they pass. On Saturdays, the freshly blooming flowers are interspersed with young couples gardening, children playing in the warmth of Spring. And when we have a little extra time, a short walk to the back of the neighborhood leads down a nature path, across wooden bridges that span the creek, finally opening up to playgrounds and huge, open fields. Further back, the nature reserve continues, wildlife playing background to the whisper of the creek. At every corner, life abounds and hope lights the darkness in the quiet of night.

It is a new experience here, filled with images which previously only lived within my mind. The value of family is caught in moments of observation, loving gestures a pleasant respite from the chaos of city life. The sound of children squealing with excitement replaces the cacophony of beeping car horns and sirens speeding to a destination of uncertainty. Only a short drive from home and the mountains rise up into view, their peaks alighting with the signature blue of this southern mountain range. Dogwoods bloom on every street, white blossoms dancing, singing, calling out with rejuvenation and rebirth. I awaken in the mornings to the sleepy puppies snuggled next to me, sunlight streaming through the slatted blinds, and the promise of a new day.

I am still in desperate need of rest and relaxation. Pushing through exhaustion, I work into the early morning hours, determined to complete school projects and finish this semester on time. Doctor appointments scattered throughout busy days, the dread of more procedures still haunting beneath the surface of day-to-day life. My heart still aches each day for my best friend, her grief untouchable. I miss her, and my niece, every day and am counting the days until I see them again. The to-do list continues to lengthen, despite the productivity of any given day. But despite the exhaustion and worry and heartache, the world has left its shades of black and white behind, color once again greeting me with the vibrancy of life and hope and faith.
Meaning has returned. Belief in life’s beauty and the saving grace of love have reminded me that, from the valleys, we shall all emerge once again. I refuse to spend every moment consumed with the exhaustion and worry, choosing now to take time (however limited it may be) to embrace the moments and allow myself the experiences that touch to the depths of my spirit. Amidst the studying and work this weekend, I have made the decision to take a break for myself. We’ll drive down to the park in the city for the Dogwood Festival and spend the day enjoying art and food and the simplicity of a walk through the park. Next week I’ll finish my school requirements for the semester and then allow myself the pleasure of 6 days in the company of family and loved ones. We’ll spend a night and day with my best friend and her husband and daughter, the guys happy to relax in front of the TV with beer and baseball while we lay in bed and talk and laugh and cry. We’ll eat as a family at night, enjoying the luxuries of good food and good company. And after the blessing of this time with them, we’ll head to the beach and spend the next several days with my parents and grandparents. Days spent relaxing on quiet beaches, reading books for sheer pleasure, seafood dinners with the family in the evening, and drinks in the village at night in the company of old friends. Pure bliss fills me even as I think about it; rest and relaxation will arrive before long.

In the meantime, I’m enjoying our new home, the blessing of my beloved and the pups a constant reminder of life’s treasures. The world is new with the warmth of the Spring sun and dogwoods, the distant sight of mountains my reminder that we only reach the peaks once we have journeyed through the valleys.