in honor of her inspiring spirit

The past several days have been filled with so much sadness, tears that return again and again, a mass of grieving that has consumed the hearts of so many people across the city, the state, the nation. Life has continued for all of us still living here on this earth, and yet it has been tainted with an incomprehensible knowledge that this young woman...this daughter, sister, fiancee, friend, teacher, community leader...is no longer living this life with us. So many questions, unable to understand and yet knowing that it is not our place to understand. God has a plan for each of us and for a reason unknown to us, God needed this beautiful young woman to return to Him and join the realms of angels.

I cannot tell you the pain of losing a best friend or losing your child. I cannot tell you the pain and confusion and heartbreak of going to school as a small child and learning that your "favorite" teacher will never be coming back, that she has gone to be with God in Heaven. (And she was the "favorite" to them all.) I cannot tell you the unfathomable, heartwrenching emptiness felt upon losing the one true love of your life, the person with whom you had planned a future and intended to spend "forever". I cannot tell you these feelings because these feelings are not mine.
But I can tell you the intense sadness at watching all of these people feel these devastating emotions. These are the words I have read in all the memorials, the tears I have seen on the faces of hundreds upon hundreds of loved ones that gathered together to celebrate this special life and mourn the loss of this most special of spirits. These are the shaking voices I heard, telling stories of remembrance, reading Scriptures, singing melodies of love and faith. These are the hands I held and bodies I hugged as they held onto every ounce of strength they could summon, trying to make it through one moment at a time in a life now bearing such a large void of emptiness.

It was truly amazing to see the outpouring of love for this incredible young woman. I knew her, yes. I considered her a friend, yes. But there was so much more to her than the little that I knew. These are the things I learned over the past several days. These are the things that touched my heart more deeply than I could have ever imagined.

I watched my best friend, her best friend as well, stand in strength and dignity and beauty. I listened to her read words of Scripture standing in front of hundreds of people gathered in the church and the tears fell from my eyes, knowing that she will live always with an emptiness that can never be filled. I watched her in admiration, realizing that she cannot see the beautiful grace and respect that she exudes, these same qualities that she so admired in the best friend she lost.

I watched her mother, hugging us all, speaking words of comfort to those around her. I watched and listened, amazed at her strength and her selfless concern for others. And I watched her fiance, standing beside the beautiful white haven where her body will rest for all eternity. I watched him choke back tears, thanking each of us for our prayers. Saw the desperation in his eyes as he remained as close as possible to the woman he was meant to marry. And yet through his pain, he stood tall, strong, determined, all for the love of his life.

And I listened to words that touched my heart and to the depths of my soul. I listened as loved ones spoke of this young woman's dedication to family, her loyalty to friends, her childhood dreams and the paths she took to fulfill those dreams. I listened to the many ways that she touched the countless lives of all those she met. Of her bright smile and her caring hugs, her kindness, her devotion, her patience. I listened to how she lived a life of purpose, using her God-given gifts for the good of those around her, and how we should all embrace life with such devotion and sincerity as this incredible young woman. I listened to these words and realized that she exemplified the life we should all strive to live. I thought of her with her radiant smile and I made a commitment to her, to God, and to myself. A commitment to do my best to embrace life and live my dreams, to help others while still taking care of myself, to never stop appreciating the people and experiences of life that bring joy to our hearts and joy to the hearts of those around us. A renewed commitment to family, friends, and God. Commitment to live this life to the fullest and use the gifts with which God has so graciously blessed me.

Thank you J. Thank you for being the beautiful woman you were. Thank you for sharing your generous spirit, loving heart, and committed soul with all those who knew you. Thank you for using the gifts God gave you, for giving those gifts so freely to those around you, for giving them back to God through your life here on earth. And thank you most of all for being an inspiration, a beautiful reminder to never take life for granted, to cherish our love ones each and every day, to give our love to others with abundance and faith. Your love and spirit will continue to live on for all eternity.