a return to happiness

Laughter and smiles returned this weekend. Hope, motivation, feelings of accomplishment and appreciation…they all shed the blankets of darkness and welcomed me back with open arms. After too many weeks filled with sadness, I barely recognized the sound of my own laughter and the smile I found in my reflection. With the arrival of Spring, I finally felt the rebirth, the rejuvenation, the beginnings of hope and happiness blooming once again.

I spent last night with my best friend. The circumstances that allowed us to share this time together were not optimal, but the moments we embraced were the greatest gift. Hugs and kisses and recounting stories filled with hilarity and nostalgia, an acceptance of our place in the world now and an appreciation for the roads that have led us here. A precious reminder that the bond we share can never be broken, that it bridges all pain and withstands the darkest days. A beautiful reminder of the true treasure of our friendship.

Her baby daughter is growing so fast and I find myself entranced just watching her. Her tiny legs kicking the air, the signature dimples that shine just like her mama’s when she smiles, the feel of her soft baby skin as I rub her belly and kiss her tiny toes. Watching her sleep against her mama’s chest, my heart fills with pride for my best friend, such an incredible woman and mother. I bathe them both with kisses and there are not enough “I love you’s” to express the fullness in my heart when I am with them.

An unexpected phone call this afternoon and the sun suddenly began to shine even brighter. After a week consumed by devastating surgery, excruciating pain, and a continuous battle of trudging through the most cumbersome valleys, my dear friend has set forth on his road of recovery. It was the first time I have heard his voice since before the surgery and just the familiar sound of words coming from his mouth brought a overwhelming surge of relief and comfort. The road will be long and certainly not easy, but he is already putting one foot in front of the other, taking one step at a time, and beginning to embrace the journey that lies before him. How proud I am of him and how incredibly grateful!

Tonight was spent in the company of David, my best friend, her husband and their daughter. Much more laughter, cuddling, joking, and bonding. The boys were talking like old buddies before long and the conversations flowed until well past the time we should have all said goodnight. After many months, this was the first chance for David to meet my best friend and sharing those few hours in the company of them both was a greater joy than I could have ever imagined. The simplicity of sitting around talking as the boys drank beer and Auntie Tara changed her first diaper…what pleasure found in those simple moments and the realization that we have definitely “grown up” but can still embrace the craziness and quirkiness that defines our individual characters.

I am smiling even as I sit here alone, writing these words. There really is no way to express how much the moments and experiences of this weekend have awakened my slumbering spirit. How full of life I have felt in the past two days…and how much more I have come to appreciate these times now!

Life is short and so incredibly difficult at times. The future of each of us is uncertain and unknown. The tragedies that confront us so forcefully with this awareness are sobering. But they are also the experiences that make us ever more grateful for the simple moments when life is filled with love and happiness and laughter.