life as i know it

"...everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." -Sylvia Plath

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

night's unfamiliar path

The days are long, the heat suffocating. The nights are even longer. Even though I adore the sight of a huge yellow moon filling the blackness of a night sky, even though the chirping of crickets at night and the distant shimmer of a lone star make me want to dance in the darkness…even though nighttime has always been one of my best friends, I find myself filled with reluctance as the sun begins its descent. I wonder if sleep will once again hide itself among the worries of my mind, evasive to the point of madness. I wonder if when my eyes do finally close if the world of dreams will haunt me or soothe me in those unconscious hours of oblivion.

I love the night, but my body and mind ache for sleep, for respite from the burning of busyness that fills my days. Even the leisure hours seem to exhaust me, leaving me restless and fatigued simultaneously, wandering aimlessly.

I feel a bit lost without the comfort of my work at 3 a.m. With no pager attached to my hip, no empty roads to traverse in the midnight silence, no cries of hopelessness to ease…I feel a bit lost. And so the nights arrive now, leaving me with no path of familiarity.

I sit here now, the vast expanse of ebony sky my only blanket, and I wonder…where do I go from here?

4 Comments:

At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, tara, i can identify with this so well...we are so busy so much of the time, tasks packed into every crevice of the day...and then school lets out and i hardly know what to do with myself...then again, i have trouble enjoying my leisure time because there is always some task left undone...

 
At 7:41 PM, Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

oh, i just love your writing.

xoxo,
boho

 
At 10:13 AM, Blogger Jessie said...

That's how I felt when school ended. Well, ok, I still feel a little bit like that...but now the sense of liberation is setting in.

It seems to me that you are good at helping people because you care so much. You are doing that whether you're working 3 am shifts of not.

I wish you some peace, some relaxation, and a really, really good rest that includes wonderful dreams. I think you need a good dose of cool weather. My suggestion: go to your local flower shop and ask them if you can go into the cooler to pick them out yourself. The benefits are two-fold: #1: you'll cool off. #2: flowers make you feel good.
:)

luv ya,
j.

 
At 2:19 PM, Blogger Tammy said...

Once again your writing amazes me :) You will find your way, you always do. Sending sweet dreams to you!

XXOO

 

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