our best friend...she will always hold your hand

It was seven years ago when I first met my best friend, my soul mate. We met by circumstance but the bond we formed surpassed any friendship I have experienced before or since. With a contagious personality and infectious humor, she could have a crowd wrapped around her little finger with one joke or playful antic. But she was more than just fun. She was the type of friend who would come over if you called at 3 a.m. just because you were having a bad night. She was the one who would hold you through the tears, remind you of hope and faith and beauty when beauty could not be found alone. And her loyalty was stronger than anything I have ever known. It was no surprise that she had two other best friends, one since the days of childhood and one since her early years of carefree adolescence. But there was no jealousy, not then, and not in the seven years since. She was just one of those people who loved her friends so deeply and completely that we inevitably grew to love each other as well.

Almost exactly five years ago, we were planning for her wedding day. Bridal showers and excitement leading up to her big day. The night before her wedding was a night filled with champagne and laughter. Sillyness in the hot tub and girl time in the hotel rooms. The bride to be, her sisters, her soon-to-be sister-in-law, and her three best friends. It was a night of bonding, of tears, of comfort. That night, she slept peacefully in the hotel bed, her childhood best friend on one side and me on the other.

Flashes of memories from her wedding day come flooding back. Endless tears at seeing my best friend so completely full of happiness, literally glowing as she walked down the aisle. Snapshots of amusing moments...her childhood best friend and I attempting to hold up an incredibly heavy wedding gown so that she could pee one last time before exchanging her vows. The wine we drank on the way to the church, the tissues hidden in our bouquets of flowers. And then a reception of drinks and dancing. The whole lot of girls booty-shaking, caught on camera, the bride with her dress hiked up to her knees and barefoot. Classic moments...moments that will live on in my memory forever.

Last year, she got pregnant. More times of celebration and baby showers. I was grateful to her childhood best friend, the organized one. Her patience and excellent planning abilities ensured that the shower we threw would be a success. We talked a lot in those days, never thinking it odd that our only connection lay in this beautiful woman, the best friend to both of us.

And that is how it always was. I don't think any of us ever stopped to think it strange when we all piled on the couch together to pose for pictures. It seemed natural that if we all loved this woman so much, we would always be a part of one another's lives. We accepted it without question, and we were her "family of friends".

I got a phone call from my best friend yesterday. The words that came from her mouth were words I never wanted to hear, words I never imagined hearing, words I know she could not fathom were actually coming from her mouth. In shock, she told me that her childhood best friend had just passed away.

Immediately I wanted to jump in the car and drive the three hours to be with her, to help with her infant daughter, to hold her and let her fall apart in my arms. In that moment, I was grateful for her state of shock, grateful she could not yet feel the pain that would literally tear her apart.

Completely unexpected and incomprehensible. Why would God take someone so young, with so much life yet to live? This beautiful young woman that lit up the eyes of a classroom of 6-year-olds every day, this woman who remained calm in crises, a tower of strength and stability. A woman in love, who would be an amazing wife and the most loving of mothers. A woman who held the hand of her best friend, of my best friend, for so many years. Why would God take this woman? And why take her with no warning?

There was no time for good-byes. A sudden diagnosis, collapsing into a coma from which she would never awaken. My heart literally aches when I imagine her mother and brother, her boyfriend and our best friend. How will they continue on in this world without her? How will they ever heal from the loss of this beautiful young woman with so much love and commitment to life?

I pray with every ounce of faith I can summon, begging God to comfort these people, these precious people. I pray for him to bring me the strength to comfort my best friend.

As I drove down a darkened street tonight, I spoke to the best friend of my best friend. I believe she is in Heaven, looking down and watching over those that loved her. This is what I have to believe. And so I talked to her and asked her to please keep holding our best friend's hand. To hold on forever.

She was always the stable one, the secure one, the port I knew would never falter even in the worst of storms. I loved her for loving our best friend, for always being there, and for taking care of our girl. And I know that no matter what, she will continue to be there, watching over our best friend and holding her hand for all eternity.

May her beautiful soul rest in peace always! And when she looks down from Heaven, may she always see the place on the couch or the bed reserved just for her.