living in safety

How many times in your life have you allowed fear to stop you from doing what you truly and deeply desire?
How many times have you censored yourself because of fear’s intrusive presence?
How many times have your love for others and your love for life been diminished because fear is guarding the door to your heart?

Perhaps you are thinking that these are rhetorical questions. But they are not. They are questions that I offer to each of you, to truly ponder within yourselves. I am not asking for your answers. These answers are not often easily discovered, and even less frequently are they easily shared. However, I believe these are important questions for each of us to ask ourselves in order that we may all live more passionate and less fearful lives.

Tonight I read another chapter in Dawna Markova’s phenomenal book. This chapter began with a description of her mother’s life. She depicted her mother as a caring and loving woman. Yet she also highlighted the pervading sense of fear with which her mother lived. Fear is not always expressed in the most obvious and overt ways. Much fear, like that experienced by Markova’s mother, is more a manifestation of the desperate need to feel safe in physical, financial, and emotional realms. We spend our lives relentlessly working so that we may rest assured that we will have financial security upon retirement. We alter the activities we allow ourselves to experience because of the inherent fears involved in taking risks. We guard our hearts and souls from negative emotions and pain, often living in states of denial, in order that we may feel safe from the feelings of discomfort. And yet what kind of lives are we actually living when we live in such a constant and pervasive sense of fear?

These questions are particularly difficult for me to answer personally. I am often the person who has been accused of jumping into things heart first without thought to the practical and logical consequences that likely will follow. I have been labeled the epitome of impulsivity at times, and yet I certainly feel that my life has been hampered by fear. There are many avenues I have not pursued because of fear’s powerful grasp. There are many dreams that I have diminished to mere fantasies because of fear’s overbearing presence. There are many aspects of myself that I hold inside because of fear’s threats should I release those aspects. So, now I am faced with asking myself the question: is this the life I want to live? And I know the answer…I do not want to live a life of fear. I do not want to live in safety.