life as i know it

"...everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." -Sylvia Plath

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Sunday Scribblings..."with baggage"

I’ve long believed that I carry too much “baggage”. With my heart on my sleeve and the weight of the world upon my back, I stumble along the pathways of life. Some people look my way, intrigued, wondering what it is that continues to drive me, how it is that I am able to carry such weight upon my fragile shoulders. Others look at me and turn their back, unable to see beyond the overwhelming piles of “baggage”, terrified that in facing me, they, in turn, will be forced to face their own “baggage”. And then there are those few precious souls that look me directly in the eye, see my heavy load, and wordlessly transfer some of my bags to their own backs, willing to share the journeys of the world with me.

Even though there are moments when I resent carrying so much “baggage”, days when my shoulders feel as if they might break from the sheer weight of it all, I do not regret the origin of these bags or the life that has led up to this moment. I do not apologize for the bouts of depression, the years of anxiety, the unspeakable past. I stand tall, my shoulders squared, ready to face the world, “baggage” and all. I do not feel angry when people take one look and turn their backs to me; I feel sorrow that they may never know the beauty of life’s most difficult lessons. I do not feel resentment when I see others whose loads are lighter than my own; I thank God for the experiences of my own life. And though I used to believe that my “baggage” was too much, I now look in the mirror and see that this is who I am. It is not “baggage” that is illuminated in my reflection; it is merely the pieces of me and my life.

13 Comments:

At 10:20 AM, Blogger Jeannette* said...

Tara,

I chanced upon your blog as I traveled through countless others. I have been completely overwhelmed by your words that give voice to my own "baggage" or thoughts or life experiences.

I too have wrestled with a passion to serve others in the mental health field...though leagues behind in school and just getting started. My own experiences with anxiety/depression have fueled a desire to be a comfort to others that struggle in a sometimes unforgiving and ignorant/intolerant world.

I have been inspired by your writing, your courage, your heart, your genuine sensitivity and beautiful insight into the world around you. It is so good to find kindred spirits like you. Thank you for sharing your world with us.

I hope you are encouraged today.

~jeannette

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger Cynthia said...

Those bags do get heavy, but some of them are too precious to give up. While I am trying to lighten my load, it's hard sometimes to distinguish what makes me "me," and what keeps me from being "me." If I can figure how to dump the latter while keeping the former, I'll have managed quite a trick.

 
At 11:49 AM, Blogger Tammy said...

Once again we are kindred spirits in our Sunday thoughts :) You say it so much better, but I'm inspired by your writing to get better.

Much love and joy!
XXOO

 
At 12:36 PM, Blogger la vie en rose said...

the pieces instead of the baggage--wonderful thought!

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger megg said...

oh sweet girl - I am a firm believer in what has happened to us has made us who we are. And you are a beautiful, strong, incredible woman. You are inspiring in your honesty and your strength. I'm proud of you!

 
At 8:44 PM, Blogger tara dawn said...

Jeannette - Thank you so much for introducing yourself and leaving such thoughtful comments. Do you have a blog? I would love to read more about you and get to know you more.
Cynthia - how true, how true.
Tammy - I must get over to your blog and read right away...and you are a beautiful writer! Love you!
La Vie - Your comments always make me smile!
Megg - My darling...thank you so much for your kind words...I am proud of you as well and love you to pieces!

 
At 8:54 PM, Blogger ruby said...

i love that you wear your heart on your sleeve...(perhaps because i see bits of myself in you)...

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger Jeannette* said...

Tara,
Thank you for asking! I would be honored. I do have a blog, though not public on blogger...still trying to get better acquainted with my "writerly" skin I suppose :)

You can drop in any time and find me at:
http://drop-lit.blogspot.com/

blessings

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger Jeannette* said...

Tara,

I was reading your previous posts. One of which brought me to tears. Your May 15 entry stopped me in dead in my tracks. I didn't realize you have/had battled with OCD. I hope you don't mind me bringing this subject up. It is one I have many difficulties with. One I've never spoken about publicly. I have been desperately trying on my own to work through this. I am awed by your ability to surmount such a debilitating "disorder". What an inspiration you are!!
Would it be possible to e-mail you a couple questions I have?

 
At 5:18 PM, Blogger tara dawn said...

Jeannette -
Please feel free to email me anytime. I would love to chat about this, and many other things. Looking forward to hearing from you...
taradawn80@yahoo.com
xoxo,
TD

 
At 11:34 PM, Blogger Jessie said...

I like your perspective on this topic Tara Dawn--you are truly incredible. I hope you're having a good day. You've been in my thoughts. Lots of love to you,
j.
:)

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger Kay said...

Very well done. Thank you.

 
At 5:42 PM, Blogger Alexandra G said...

I think that none of us, or at least the great majority, can go through life without baggage. When I've seen personal ads or heard people say, "I don't want to date someone with baggage," I'm always thinking, "Who are you kidding? Good Luck! We all have some sadly or not."

 

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