moving on...

My life has hit a transition point. A new chapter is about to begin, the pages still stiff beneath my fingertips, the smell of newness still lingering. I look around me and try to imagine saying goodbye, closing this door, and walking away with my head up and eyes open. Some moments it is easier to imagine than others. Some moments I can picture myself turning this corner with ease and confidence. Other moments…sadness and fear win the battle, and my eyes are too clouded by the tears to see the path lying before me.

The papers were signed yesterday, the date marked on the calendar. The purging of my belongings shall continue. Setting free many of my beloved books out into this world, I only hope that they will find homes with people that will cherish them as much as I have. Downsizing the closet is less emotional, lavender pants and peach gauzy shirts easily given to those in need. A few pieces of furniture I had hoped to sell, one potential buyer to contact. The boxes are already being assembled and packed, cautiously this time. But there is also a determination deep within me.

Fueled by the stabs of childish games, my determination strengthens, my confidence in my decisions rises, and my eyes are no longer quite as clouded. No doubt the clouds will return, but for now the sky is clear. Even with the heaviness of my heart, I am finding the energy to keep my head up and my eyes open. Even though I still feel the pangs of wretched sadness biting into my core, I am alive and I am hopeful. And now, I am off to do some more packing…