exploring relationship patterns

As I sat through a three-hour lecture on psychodynamic therapy this morning, my professor posed a series of very personal questions. He did not ask us to discuss our answers in class or even to consider this as a mandatory assignment. Rather, he suggested that we each go home and truly ponder these questions. He advised that we answer them in order that we may continue to learn more about ourselves and our interactions with those around us. He postulated that we will begin to notice patterns in our past relationships that will lead us to more completely understand our own relationships today. It is an interesting assignment, and a journey upon which I look forward to embarking upon. I wonder if any of you might want to take this journey for yourselves as well.

For each person(s), ask yourselves the following questions. What was the quality of the relationship? How did you relate to one another? How did the relationship begin? What kinds of problems were encountered in the relationship? How were problems dealt with? How did the relationship end?

Begin by exploring your early relationship with your parents. Then proceed to the relationship with your first romantic partner. Continue with each successive romantic relationship. Lastly, examine your relationships with friends throughout the years. When you have answered the questions, look for patterns that have emerged throughout your relationships. Do the patterns differ in the ways you have related to men versus women? Do the patterns differ from family to friends to romantic partners? How do you think these patterns are playing out in your current relationships?

For those of you that choose to embark upon this journey as well, I hope that you will find greater insight into your own being. It is only through awareness that we may begin to learn and grow.

(*I do not take credit for these questions. However, I am not listing the professor’s name who posed these questions for purposes of confidentiality.*)