life as i know it

"...everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." -Sylvia Plath

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Sunday Scribbling...who else can i still be?

I remember being a child and being told I could be anything I wanted to be when I “grew up”. Well, now I am all grown up (okay, so only partially grown up) and every day I am faced with choices about who exactly it is that I want to be.

There are so many people I could have been. So many crossroads in my life where had I chosen a different route, my destiny might have been forever changed. I could have been a wife or mother, driving a minivan filled with rambunctious children. I could have been my own demented version of Martha Stewart, spending my mornings baking cakes and my afternoons cleaning the house. But in all reality, that possibility was never very likely. More realistically, I could have been a rebel outcast, adorning myself in leather combat boots and black nail polish. I could have been a rockstar’s girlfriend or a groupie or a wanna-be hippie, smoking cloves as I stood barefoot in a field of daisies. And to be completely honest, I could have been a perpetual patient in a psychiatric hospital. Or I could have been dead.

The truth is that I came pretty damn close to being some of these people. With the exception of Martha Stewart, I dipped my toes in most of these identities, trying them on for size, getting a feel for how it felt to be a wife or a rebel or a psych patient. But the clothes never quite fit. Some were far too big, no way to keep them on. Others were too tight, too suffocating for me to even breathe. And so I abandoned these identities. But in trying on the outfits, I learned more about who it is that I do want to be.

So to answer the question…who else can I still be? I can still be anyone I want to be. The question truly lies more in who that ideal person, that ideal “me”, really is.

I can still be a wife and possibly even a mother, one day, some day, but not today. I can still be barefoot in a field of daisies, only this time I want to feel the sun beat down on my skin and dance in the freedom and beauty of nature. I can be an artist, painting the canvas of my life. I can be a writer, words flowing on a page like honey or wine or rain. I can be a doctor (and God allowing, I will be). I can be a dancer, a singer, a friend, a daughter, a lover. I can be a woman, strong and independent, nurturing and sensitive. I can be a warrior, fighting for what I know in my heart, chasing my dreams past the end of the rainbow. But most of all, the person I can still be is me…the me that it has taken a long, long time to find. I can be the therapist in some moments, the patient in others. I can be the rock or the one who needs the shoulder to cry upon. I can be determined and driven, ambitious and persistent, creative and artistic, open-minded and free-spirited.

Who else can I still be? The world lays before me and the paths are endless…

19 Comments:

At 12:30 AM, Blogger Cynthia said...

Beautiful entry. Isn't it great really that we're constantly becoming who we're supposed to be in one form or another? Whether it's by trying on a life and seeing if it fits or by editing and refining as we go along. In some ways it's an ongoing adventure, and it all looks pretty miraculous to me.

 
At 4:32 AM, Anonymous hundred and one said...

'...The world lays before me and the paths are endless…'

I loved this. A great way to look at life...

 
At 1:05 PM, Blogger Jessie said...

I am so glad to see that balance is returning to your life. You have an incredibly strong spirit Tara Dawn...must be what I like so much about you!
:)

luv,
j.

 
At 1:10 PM, Blogger paris parfait said...

Lovely post, filled with possibilities for adventures to come.

 
At 2:36 PM, Blogger Amber said...

Oh, I really loved the feeling of this/in this post. It made me think it would be an afternoon well spent, to sit and chat with you. ;)
And it is beautifully writen. Nice job.

:)

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Oooh this is good. I've tried on many hats (many similar to yours), and none of them fit quite right, besides the ESL teacher living in Mexico. That is the only time I've ever felt at home in my skin.

Thanks for a thought-provoking post.

 
At 6:01 PM, Blogger Tammy said...

I liked the way you wrote this, telling us what you tried and how you got here. I'm looking forward to seeing what you become :)

 
At 6:05 PM, Anonymous beansprout said...

Beautiful post! I've tried on all kinds of possibilities too...embraced some, let some go...May you continue to dwell in ALL the possibilities!

 
At 8:48 PM, Blogger lisrobbe said...

awesome post. you seem like a person that has had enough experiences to bring you where you are today and lead youinto the future full of confidence.

 
At 2:29 AM, Blogger megg said...

knowing where you are I know that you are at the beginning of an incredible adventure - there are only good things coming your way my friend - ONLY good things!

 
At 6:36 AM, Blogger melba said...

This post feels full of hope and possibility. So good to Feel!

 
At 1:11 PM, Blogger Susannah said...

hello beautiful girl, this is a powerful post, so strong and firey and true... you can be all that you are,
and that is what i wish for you, sweet Tara.... i miss you too... sorry i'm so rubbish with comments these days... but i always read! love to you x

 
At 3:03 PM, Blogger Mardougrrl said...

"So to answer the question…who else can I still be? I can still be anyone I want to be. The question truly lies more in who that ideal person, that ideal “me”, really is."

You know, I never, never thought of it that way. Thanks for that insight.

Your voice is so TRUE in this entry...measured and passionate and rich. You are sharing it all with us, and I am grateful.

 
At 4:18 PM, Blogger ruby said...

such an inspiration, you are!

 
At 8:20 PM, Blogger michelle said...

beautiful writing, its the possibilities that make life worth living...

 
At 5:55 AM, Blogger baylor said...

Brilliant, as always! I love you!

xoxo

 
At 11:59 PM, Blogger liz elayne said...

beautiful words here my dear. filled with hope and an understanding of the dreams that are before you (and inside you).

 
At 1:12 PM, Blogger Kay said...

SO nice, and so true. I hope you find your ideal.

 
At 3:25 AM, Anonymous JourneyThroughLife said...

Wow, what an incredible, amazing and powerful post!
JTL
xxx

 

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